• Deborah Holmén

Loving Someone Means Letting Them Go: A Good-Bye Letter

Updated: Nov 21, 2017

Fear isn't an excuse to come to a standstill. It's the impetus to step up and strike. ~Arthur Ashe


I wrote this letter to someone I loved dearly to let them go. It wasn't easy, actually somewhat painful. But as I wrote the letter, I realized it not only showed how much I loved them, but how much I loved myself. When we love someone from the purest part of our hearts, we can genuinely allow that person the freedom to be whomever they finally choose to be. Free of fear, free of guilt, free of remorse, and free of being unloved.


The letter below is an edited excerpt of what I wrote to him when he was struggling to have to face where he was in his life and making some changes.


...I know I have to let you go...


I understand this journey is for you to travel alone. I have been on it before, and it will be one of the hardest undertakings you’ve ever done if you chose to do it. Personal development can only occur if you are truly willing to look within, acknowledge what needs to change, then do it. It’s not really hard to see what needs to change; it’s been staring at you your whole lifetime, as well as being presented to you through the encounters you’ve had. The hardest part is finally doing something about it that will bring a permanent change in your greater self.


It will be painful, arduous, embarrassing and challenging. And, truth be told, most people give up. I have no expectations either way of what you will choose. That is for you to decide. I realized when I went through it myself, the greatest disservice I could do was to lie to myself or blame someone else. I don’t think you will do that. I think what will be the hardest thing is asking yourself why you should change in the first place. You will never know unless you do. It’s only when you get to the other side that you will see for the first time what you were supposed to achieve. Only then will you know why you had to go through the journey in the first place. The movie Wild reminds me of what it’s like, or Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead.


I wish you the best on this journey...


I've had to write a similar letter before. I'm getting quite good at it. I've met many special people in my life that have taught me many lessons, and I know I have taught them many, as well.


The hardest part of letting someone go is knowing there won't be any expectations of them 'getting it', making those changes and coming back. Once I said my goodbyes, I walked away and sent them my best.


The only thing left to do is pray that the one you love finds the strength to face his/her fears.





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