First, let's take a collective deep breath. If you're reading this, you've already done something incredibly brave: you've stepped into a story that began before you and hope to help write the next chapter. That takes courage, heart, and a willingness to be very uncomfortable for other people's sake. I know you have these things because I've been exactly where you are. When you're dating or married to a widower, the family's garden is already in full bloom...

Dear Next Chapter, Is feeling jealous of a late spouse normal? Sometimes, I think I'm competing with a ghost! ~ Haunted by Comparison. Dear Haunted by Comparison: Absolutely normal! You're not alone. People in new relationships with widowers or widows feel like they're auditioning for a role that's already been cast. It's easy to wonder if you're competing with a memory, especially since the late spouse often gets remembered as a saint ...

An online widows' group contacted me to discuss my experiences dating a widower. One member was unsure whether to continue or end her relationship, and listening to the members' challenges was enlightening. I developed these tips to help them better grasp the complexities involved. Experience is the best teacher, and after almost nine years, I've learned some valuable lessons about dating and marrying a widower.