By Deborah Holmen, M.Ed., NBCT It may seem like a large divide, but creating boundaries helps everyone cope more effectively. Boundaries are your best friend. Advocate for your needs, but also respect the family’s healing process. You’re not an intruder; you’re a new chapter. Sometimes, the bravest thing you can do is simply show up—again and again. Dear Feeling Left Out, That feeling you're sitting with is older than you. Anyone who has married into a close-knit family, or s

The Unique Journey of Loving a Widower When I first met my husband, I knew I was stepping into a love story that began long before I arrived. The past was not just a memory but a living presence in our daily lives. I remember the first time I realized just how deeply woven his history was into our present. It wasn't just the photos that adorned the walls of the home they lived in; it was the friends who would share their intimate experiences and memories that were constan

First, let's take a collective deep breath. If you're reading this, you've already done something incredibly brave: you've stepped into a story that began before you and hope to help write the next chapter. That takes courage, heart, and a willingness to be very uncomfortable for other people's sake. I know you have these things because I've been exactly where you are. When you're dating or married to a widower, the family's garden is already in full bloom...

Dear Next Chapter, Is feeling jealous of a late spouse normal? Sometimes, I think I'm competing with a ghost! ~ Haunted by Comparison. Dear Haunted by Comparison: Absolutely normal! You're not alone. People in new relationships with widowers or widows feel like they're auditioning for a role that's already been cast. It's easy to wonder if you're competing with a memory, especially since the late spouse often gets remembered as a saint ...

An online widows' group contacted me to discuss my experiences dating a widower. One member was unsure whether to continue or end her relationship, and listening to the members' challenges was enlightening. I developed these tips to help them better grasp the complexities involved. Experience is the best teacher, and after almost nine years, I've learned some valuable lessons about dating and marrying a widower.