Dear Next Chapter: Should I move back home after a year of loneliness?

~ Transplanted But Not Taking Root

By Deborah Holmen, M.Ed., NBCT, CLC

It can take 18 - 24 months to fully adjust to a major relocation.

Dear Transplanted But Not Taking Root,

Oh, honey, you're describing what psychologists call "relocation depression," and it's as real as the Spanish moss hanging from those Southern trees. After a year, feeling lonely and missing your roots isn't a character flaw—it's your heart doing precisely what hearts do when transplanted to new soil.

Here's what the research tells us: relocation depression affects your sleep, appetite, concentration, and ability to connect with others, and it can persist well beyond the "honeymoon phase" of moving. Studies show that losing social connections and disrupting established routines can trigger genuine depressive symptoms, even when the move was voluntary. You're not being dramatic—you're being human.

What the research says

But don't start packing those boxes again. Let's talk about timing. Research indicates that it typically takes 18-24 months to fully adjust to a major relocation, and the one-year mark is often when the initial excitement wears off and reality sets in. You're right in the thick of what I call the "adjustment valley"—that difficult middle ground between leaving and truly arriving.

The loneliness you're experiencing is particularly challenging because studies reveal a bidirectional relationship between loneliness and depression—each feeds the other. When we feel lonely, we're more likely to withdraw, making it even harder to form new connections. It's like being trapped in emotional quicksand.

Here's my gentle suggestion: give yourself a few more months, but with intention. Don't just wait for time to pass—actively work on building your new life. Research shows that people who engage with their new environment through volunteering, joining groups, or exploring local activities report better adjustment outcomes.

Start small

Find one activity that interests you, whether it's attending local events, joining a hiking group, or taking a cooking class. Once you find your entry point, Southern communities often have strong social networks. And please, stay connected with your family back home—maintaining those relationships actually helps with adjustment rather than hindering it.

Consider this

Trees that are transplanted often struggle their first year as their roots establish in new soil. But by the second year, if they've been properly tended, they usually grow stronger than they were in their original location. Sometimes, the struggle is part of the strengthening.

If, after genuinely trying for a few more months, you still feel this way, there's no shame in returning home. But make sure you're running toward something, not just away from discomfort.

Let tech find your tribe

If you want to expand your social circle and connect with like-minded individuals, numerous popular apps are designed to find platonic friendships and meet people who share your interests.

Bumble BFF appeals to those already comforatable with dating apps,  and the familiar swiping mechanism for friendship connections.

For women seeking female friendships, Hey! VINA offers a safe, women-only space with personality-driven matching. Meetup remains a powerhouse for connecting through shared activities and group events, from dinner clubs and hiking groups. WINK provides a Tinder-like experience for discovering friendships.

For those seeking deeper psychological compatibility, Boo, with over 500 million downloads, uses personality type theories to facilitate meaningful connections. Yubo caters to younger users, and Skout delivers global reach for meeting people locally and while traveling.

Whether you're interested in group activities through Timeleft's Wednesday dinner meetups, these platforms provide diverse ways to forge genuine friendships in our increasingly digital world. So don't be a wallflower; join the millions and get connected in a new way!

Nature's Wisdom: Even the mightiest oak was once an acorn that held its ground in unfamiliar soil.

Deborah Holmen is an author, certified life coach, and educator specializing in personal growth and life transitions. She draws on 25+ years of experience to offer thoughtful advice for navigating new chapters. Do you have a question for Dear Next Chapter? Contact Dear Next Chapter HERE.